In this clip from “Funny or Die,” Col. Sanders (as played by John Goodman) has a message for “the gays” who may be put off by the Chick-Fil-A chain’s millions of dollars of support each year to virulently anti-LGBT organizations and statements made by CEO Dan Cathy asserting that he runs his business according to “Biblical principles.”
“I figure I’m a bit more progressive than my pals down at Chick-fil-A,” said the Colonel, as nicely-dressed, angel-faced, fey young men set a table and lit candles behind him. “Let it be known that Col. Sanders loves The Gays! Hell, I might even be gay.”
“I know what you’re thinking as you’re lying there snuggling up to your bear,” he said, “How do I know you’re not just jibberin’ and jabberin’ to try and get more of my gay business?”
You don’t, he said. “But what you really need to know is that I love gay people, always. And we’re open on Sundays.”
“I prefer to see the world the way my hormone-loaded, antibiotically engineered chickens do, without gender. Or beaks. Or buttholes,” he said, mentioning that there will be a “table-dance mandate” at certain locations.
“Hell, I don’t actually give a shit,” Sanders said in a suddenly serious aside to the camera. “You’re all just a bunch of walking money-mouths, walkin’ around, talkin’ and eatin’. But if you have to pick one chicken chain, why not pick us? I know their service is better…but we’ve got those bowls.”