It's tough to be a Republican

The Progressive Daily Beacon: "These Are Tough Days to Be a Republican" These Are Tough Days to Be a Republican A. Alexander, February 9th, 2007 These are tough days to be a Republican. Really, who would want to be one? Their President was, according to real-life polling, considered more villainous than Lucifer...that's no joke. That's what this past December's AP/AOL News Poll found. This really is no time to be a Republican. If Republicans were to meet with a group of today's kids and share with them all the GOP's woes, the kids would say, "It sucks to be you!" And they'd be more correct than anybody had a right to be.Just look at the pathetic wankers that these Republicans have become. If they aren't being busted for money laundering or taking bribes from greed merchant defense contractors, they're trying to molest young boys. Well, to be fair some were busted with their mistresses...who just happened to be hiding in the bathroom with a cell phone dialing 911, because their Congressional Republican loverman had tried choking the life out of them. Even their jacked up on Jesus steroids and gay-hating extremist evangelical preachers, when not imploring Republicans to rip brain dead women from their deathbeds, can't resist a nice line of crank and shagging gay prostitutes. The kids would be right; it'd suck to be a Republican.These are indeed tough days to be a Republican. Aside from having a President who is about as popular as a herpes outbreak at a swinger's club, today's Republican Party is completely bankrupted of any meaningful ideas. It's true. They can't even call themselves the party of 'small government'. At least they can't say it with a straight face. How about that Party of 'fiscal responsibility' slogan that they used to like to parrot? Hmmm...$9 trillion in debt - 'nough said! They used to be the self-proclaimed Party of 'National Security', but it's hard to be the, "we'll keep you safe" folks when they've destroyed the military; lied the nation to war and then made a complete mess of it; and are in the midst of losing two wars and itching to start a third! About the only thing Republicans have left is that they are the Party of huge tax cuts...if a person happens to be a corporation or member of the upper one percent income earners club. Still, it is something. Sick, pathetic, and useless - but it is something. So, what are Republicans to do when they have no purpose for being...well, other than trying to prevent Congress from passing resolutions condemning their failed President's desire to expand his long-lost war? That's a no brainer, right? Since they have nothing substantial to offer the people, Republicans decided to con CBS' dim witted blonde bimbo pretending to be a journalist, Katie Couric, into running a factless hit-job on the Democratic Speaker of the House. That's making a political Party useful, isn't it? Now, of course, Republican Denny Hastert was given a free government plane ride back and forth from the Hill to his home in Illinois, but since the House Security Chief made the same arrangements for the Democratic Speaker, who lives exactly on the other side of the country and, therefore, requires a bigger plane - SHOCK! HORROR! OUTRAGE!It was cute, too, the way the bimbos at CBS News slipped in that shtick about how Pelosi supposedly said, "Size doesn't matter." Giggle, giggle, snort, and tee-hee! Gosh, they did their Hooter's girl backgrounds just oh-so-proud, didn't they? Maybe next time Katie can slip into her old high-school cheer uniform, panty-less of course, and give Republican Blunt a lapdance, too. You know, so they can "talk about the first thing that pops up."But seriously, that is all Republicans have left: Preventing Congress from expressing the will of the people, trying to finagle tax cuts for big oil and the upper one percent, and making an issue over the size of Nancy Pelosi's plane. These are tough days to be a Republican. And the kids would be right...it would suck to be them.